No Shortcuts to Significance: Why the Storm is part of the work

No Shortcuts to Significance: Why the Storm is part of the work

by | Apr 23, 2025 | Identity Shifts, Inspiration

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community..

You can sign up here.

Leader contemplating a transition while balancing identity and growth

“Fate whispers to the warrior, ‘You cannot withstand the storm.’
 The warrior whispers back, ‘I am the storm.’”

We love quotes like this. They sound fierce. Resilient. Invincible. And for a moment, they stir something deep inside us—a recognition of our own strength.

But let’s pause and ask the question most of us skip:
 What does it actually mean to be the storm?

Not in theory.
 Not as a post on your feed.
 But in practice.

To be the storm is to stop searching for shortcuts to meaning.
 To stand still in the mess, to hold your ground in the discomfort, and to stop waiting for life to become easier before you show up fully.

This is the work.
 And there are no shortcuts.

The Storm Isn’t Just Out There—It’s In You

We often talk about the “storm” as something external—crises, change, uncertainty. And yes, life does bring those.

But the real storm? The one that truly tests you?
 It’s internal.

  • It’s the chaos of self-doubt.

     

  • It’s the friction of growth.

     

  • It’s the moment when everything that used to make sense… suddenly doesn’t.

     

  • It’s the quiet question that won’t leave you alone: Is this it? Or is there more?

Being the storm means embracing that internal turbulence as part of your becoming—not something to fix, suppress, or avoid.

Why Significance Requires the Storm

Success is often measured by external wins:

  • Titles.

     

  • Metrics.

     

  • Recognition.

     

  • Achievement.

     

But significance—the kind of leadership that leaves a lasting imprint—comes from a deeper place.

It comes from walking through what others avoid.
 It comes from staying present when everything feels unsteady.
 It comes from choosing alignment over applause.

And none of that happens without the storm.

You Don’t Get to Depth Without the Work

There’s a pattern we see in every transformation:
 Friction. Resistance. Letting go. Rebuilding.

It’s not glamorous. It’s rarely linear. And it never comes with a script.
 But if you’re serious about living a life that matters—
 Not just looking impressive, but feeling aligned—this is the terrain.

Because significance doesn’t come from avoiding the hard parts.
 It comes from walking through them with your eyes open, your feet steady, and your values intact.

The Difference Between Success and Significance

Let’s make it plain:

Success

Significance

Chases metrics and strategies

Remembers who you are

Performs competence

Embodies clarity

Looks outward for validation

Trusts internal alignment

Avoids discomfort

Uses discomfort as a guide

Seeks applause

Seeks impact and authenticity

Both paths can look similar from the outside.
 But one leaves you empty. The other leaves you changed.

Storm-Forged Leadership: What It Really Looks Like

The most powerful leaders I know aren’t the ones who never falter.
 They’re the ones who keep showing up when it would be easier to hide.

They are:

  • Clearer from having questioned everything

     

  • Softer from having let go of what no longer fits

     

  • Stronger from having stayed when it got hard

     

This is what storm-forged leadership looks like.
 Not brittle. Not performative.
 True. Whole. Human.

If You’re in It Right Now—This Is Not the End

Maybe you’re reading this in the middle of your own storm.
 Maybe things that once fit now feel too small.
 Maybe you’re restless, full of doubt, or aching for something you can’t quite name.

Let me say this plainly:
 You haven’t lost your way.
 You’re doing the work.

The gritty, holy, sacred work of becoming.

This Is the Work

And yes—it’s disorienting. Especially if this is your first taste of real resistance after years of smooth sailing.

But this is not your signal to turn back.
 This is your invitation to go in.

To find yourself in the storm.
 To remember who you are through it.

Because there are no shortcuts to significance.

Not because the journey is cruel.
 But because you are being shaped into someone your future self will be proud to carry forward.

Transformation Isn’t Found in the Retreat—It’s Found in the Return

This is the pivot. The passage. The portal.
 Not away from the storm, but through it.

And if you listen closely enough, beneath the noise and the fear, you might hear a voice rising from within you—
 Quiet but unwavering.
 Tired, but clear.
 And it will whisper back:
 “I am the storm.”

Step Into the Storm

No one said it would be easy. But the path to a meaningful life—the one where your leadership, your work, and your impact truly matter—does not come with a shortcut.

It comes with presence.
 With clarity.
 With the decision to stay.

If you’re ready to walk through the storm instead of waiting for it to pass, you’re not alone.

This is what I help leaders do in my high-proximity 1:1 partnerships:

  • Hold steady in the swirl

     

  • Reclaim clarity when things feel foggy

     

  • Align your leadership with who you’re becoming, not who you’ve been

     

If you’re ready for that kind of support, I’d be honored to walk with you.

Click here to schedule a conversation with me.

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

by | , ,

Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

read more
The Toggle: The Art of Navigating Leadership Transitions and Identity Shifts

The Toggle: The Art of Navigating Leadership Transitions and Identity Shifts

by | Jan 26, 2025 | Identity Shifts, Innovation, Inspiration, Practice Leadership

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community..

You can sign up here.

Leader contemplating a transition while balancing identity and growth

Leadership is often perceived as a journey marked by clarity, purpose, and direction. But what happens when that path becomes less defined? When you feel a deep, internal tug—a tension between who you are and who you’re becoming?

This is not an uncommon experience. In fact, it’s a hallmark of transformative leadership. It’s the moment when leaders confront the toggle—the sharp, relentless pull between their established identity and the untamed possibilities of their future.

While unsettling, these moments of transition are where true growth happens. By embracing the discomfort, leaders can find alignment, clarity, and a deeper sense of purpose. This essay explores how to navigate these shifts with intention and confidence, helping you emerge stronger on the other side.

 

Leadership Transitions: A Natural Yet Challenging Process

Every great leader encounters a pivotal moment when their role—and their identity—begins to shift. These transitions can happen for many reasons:

  • A promotion to a higher level of leadership
  • A desire to pivot toward a new industry or mission
  • Burnout or a longing for more freedom and creativity
  • Stepping back from a leadership role you’ve held for years

What makes these transitions so challenging is that they strike at the core of your identity. After all, leadership isn’t just a job—it’s a reflection of who you are. So when your role begins to change, it can feel like you’re losing a part of yourself.

This is why transitions often trigger deep reflection. Who are you without the title or the team you’ve built? What do you want next? And how can you honor what you’ve accomplished while stepping boldly into the unknown?

 

Understanding the Identity Shift in Leadership

At the heart of every leadership transition lies an identity shift. Leaders are not just adjusting to new responsibilities—they are redefining who they are and what they stand for.

This shift often manifests as tension:

  • Between the Past and the Future: You’re proud of what you’ve built, but you also feel a pull toward something new.
  • Between Stability and Risk: You value the security of your current role, but you dream of the freedom to explore fresh possibilities.
  • Between Mastery and Curiosity: You’ve mastered your craft, but you crave the excitement of learning and creating again.

This tension isn’t a sign of failure or indecision. It’s a signal that you’re in motion, evolving as both a leader and a person.

The Power of the Toggle: Guardian vs. Pioneer

To navigate these identity shifts, it’s important to understand the forces at play. Within every leader experiencing a transition, two voices emerge:

  1. The Guardian
    The guardian is the voice of wisdom and stability. It reminds you of everything you’ve built—your expertise, your accomplishments, and your legacy. This voice anchors you, ensuring that you honor your past and don’t lose sight of your foundation.
  2. The Pioneer
    The pioneer is the voice of curiosity and possibility. It’s the spark that urges you to explore new horizons, take risks, and dream of what’s next. This voice challenges you to grow and expand beyond your current identity.

These voices are not enemies—they are allies. The tension you feel between them is not something to fix; it’s an opportunity to integrate their wisdom and vision.

 

Why Leadership Transitions Feel Uncomfortable

If navigating leadership transitions feels uncomfortable, it’s because these shifts challenge deeply rooted beliefs about who you are.

  • You’ve built your identity around your role, so stepping away feels like a loss.
  • You’ve mastered your current responsibilities, so moving into something new feels uncertain.
  • You’ve worked hard to establish stability, so pursuing change feels risky.

This discomfort is a natural part of growth. It’s the process of shedding an old identity to make room for a new one.

 

Strategies for Navigating Leadership Transitions

While transitions can be challenging, they also offer immense opportunities for growth. Here are some strategies to help you navigate the process:

1. Anchor in Your Strengths

Take time to reflect on what you’ve accomplished. What are the skills, values, and strengths that brought you success? These will remain with you, no matter how your role changes.

2. Embrace Curiosity

Allow yourself to dream about what’s next. What excites you? What possibilities spark your curiosity? Giving yourself permission to explore will help you connect with your inner pioneer.

3. Seek Support

Transitions are not meant to be navigated alone. Seek out mentors, coaches, or trusted peers who can provide guidance and perspective. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see the path forward more clearly.

4. Hold Space for Tension

Resist the urge to rush through the discomfort. Instead, hold space for the tension between your guardian and pioneer. This is where integration happens, leading to a path that honors both your past and your future.

5. Redefine Success

As your identity shifts, so too should your definition of success. Take time to reflect on what matters most to you now. Success may no longer mean climbing the ladder—it could mean impact, freedom, or alignment with your values.

 

The Leadership Transition Case Study: An Evolving Identity

One of my clients, a CEO of a mid-sized company, recently found himself at a crossroads. He had spent over a decade building his business, and by all accounts, it was thriving. Yet, he felt an undeniable pull toward something new.

At first, he resisted the tension. “I’ve worked so hard to get here. How can I even think about leaving this behind?” he told me.

But as we explored his feelings, he began to see the tension as an opportunity. His guardian voice reminded him of the legacy he’d built, while his pioneer voice ignited his desire to explore new ways of creating impact.

In time, he crafted a transition plan that honored both parts of himself. He stepped back from day-to-day operations but remained involved as a strategic advisor. Simultaneously, he launched a new initiative focused on mentoring young entrepreneurs—a move that aligned with his passion for nurturing growth in others.

His transition was not about choosing one path over the other. It was about creating a new path that integrated his past and his future.

 

The Other Side of Leadership Transitions

On the other side of every leadership transition is clarity, alignment, and a deeper sense of purpose. By embracing the discomfort of the toggle, you give yourself the chance to evolve—not just as a leader, but as a person.

If you’re feeling the tension of a transition, know this: you are not lost. You are in motion. And the process you’re going through is a sign that you are on the verge of something meaningful.

Leadership transitions are not just professional shifts—they are deeply personal journeys. By embracing the tension between your guardian and pioneer, you can navigate these moments with intention, crafting a path that reflects both where you’ve been and where you’re going.

The process may not offer quick answers, but it will lead to growth, clarity, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Click here to schedule a conversation with me.

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

by | , ,

Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

read more

Feeling the Wobble: Rising Strong in a Shifting World

Feeling the Wobble: Rising Strong in a Shifting World

by | Dec 17, 2024 | Identity Shifts, Innovation, Inspiration, Practice Leadership, Uncategorized

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community.

You can sign up here.

Title Banner - The Significance Dilemma

There’s a wobble in the air—a persistent, disorienting undercurrent of instability that none of us can escape. Whether it’s the weight of global crises, collective trauma, or the unrelenting pace of modern life, we are all feeling it.

This wobble is not just “out there.” It’s in our bodies, our relationships, and our work. It’s in the frayed edges of conversations, the silent tension in crowded spaces, and the way we react more than we respond. Even if we try to ignore it, the instability touches every part of our lives. And hiding from it is not an option. To retreat into denial would be catastrophic—not only for ourselves and our loved ones but also for the profound work we’re here to do.

Because if you’re feeling this wobble, it’s likely that you are someone who seeks Significance—to lead a life that matters, that aligns with your values, and that bends the moral arc of the universe toward good.

The Wobble Within: My Personal Story

The other day, I found myself deeply immersed in my own inner work, feeling vulnerable and exposed—a touch of instability coursing through me. I had made an agreement with myself to explore this terrain, as I often do when I sense the need for a deeper excavation of my heart and soul. But this time, the journey feels different.

I’ve invited a new guide to walk alongside me, someone with a fresh lens and tools I hadn’t used before. Together, we’re approaching my inner world through a systems perspective, and I feel the wobble.

Here’s the thing: I chose it.
 I knew this instability was coming. In fact, I was wobbling even before this expedition began—I just didn’t have the words for it yet. It was a silent kind of suffering, and it was wearing me down.

We all do this dance. Every single client I’m working with right now is asking the same questions:

  • Is this it?
  • I’ve lost myself. How do I find my way back?
  • What do I do now?
  • Who the fuck am I?

These aren’t just questions of identity or direction; they’re questions of Significance. They come from the deep, human desire to live a life of purpose and impact—to move beyond success into meaning.

The Call to Rise

This is why we must rise now. For the sake of our hearts and souls, for the people we love, and for the work we’re here to do, we must shore up our foundations and go beyond what we’ve ever done before.

The wobble is the call to action. It is not asking us to retreat but to step into radical self-responsibility and self-leadership. This is the heart of living a significant life.

We must:

  • Learn to ground ourselves when the world feels unsteady.
  • Train our nervous systems to move out of fight, flight, or freeze and into calm, sacred frequencies of love, exploration, creativity, innovation, and clear action.
  • Practice the daily discipline of returning to center when we’re pulled off course.

This is not a time for shortcuts or surface-level fixes. The depth of our personal work will determine how steady we can stand in an unsteady world. And that steadiness will allow us to create the kind of impact we long for—a lasting legacy of significance.

From Reactivity to Resilience

As I continue this leg of my journey, I’m reminded that the wobble isn’t something to fear—it’s something to honor. It is the space where transformation begins.

The same is true for you. Every wobble, every moment of rawness, is an invitation to build something stronger within yourself. To find a foundation that isn’t dependent on the world around you staying stable, because it won’t.

This is what it means to move from reactivity to resilience. And resilience isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. It’s about leading a life of significance, where your inner strength fuels your outer impact.

Ask yourself:

  • How can I show up more rooted, more present?
  • What practices will help me move from reactivity and dysregulation to resourcefulness?
  • How can I create a life that feels steady, aligned, and meaningful, even when the world doesn’t?

Answering the Call

This is a time of profound challenge, but also profound opportunity. The wobble is asking us to step up in ways we never have before—to meet the instability with clarity, care, and courage.

By doing your inner work, by rising to the call of radical self-responsibility, you not only transform yourself but also become a beacon of stability for others. For your children. For your colleagues. For your communities. For our world.

And this is the true essence of significance: living a life that not only fulfills you but also leaves a mark on the world.

This is the time, my loves. The time to rise, to go deeper, to build stronger foundations than we’ve ever known. The world may feel wobbly, but we don’t have to. Let’s do this work—together.

 

Let’s Steady the Wobble—Together

If you’re feeling the wobble and know it’s time to rise into a life of true significance, let’s have a conversation. This is the work I do in my high-touch private coaching—guiding visionaries, leaders, and changemakers to ground themselves, build resilience, and lead from a place of clarity and strength.

If you’re ready to meet this moment with courage and create a life that feels aligned, steady, and impactful, let’s explore what that could look like for you.

Click here to schedule a conversation with me.

Your next step begins now.

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen Karofsky helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

by | , ,

Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

read more

We’re doing gratitude all wrong and it’s keeping us stuck.

We’re doing gratitude all wrong and it’s keeping us stuck.

by | Nov 26, 2024 | Identity Shifts, Innovation, Inspiration, Practice Leadership

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community.

You can sign up here.

Title Banner - The Significance Dilemma

 “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.”

 John F. Kennedy

Maybe I missed the lesson on gratitude—or maybe there wasn’t one. Growing up, there was always a rule: gather, be grateful, and then return to the same patterns as before. No deeper reflection. No hard conversations. No real change. Just an annual ritual of thanks followed by inertia.

Perhaps that’s where it loses me. 

As someone who has spent years observing how people make sense of the world, I’ve noticed a recurring theme: gratitude often feels hollow. It’s not that people aren’t grateful—it’s that the practice is disconnected from anything substantive.

We sit around the table saying, “I’m grateful for my family,” while avoiding the fractures in those relationships.
We declare, “I’m grateful for my health,” yet neglect the habits that sustain it.
We claim gratitude for our work but turn a blind eye to inefficiencies, toxic dynamics, or systemic challenges that hold us back from its fullest potential.

This kind of gratitude feels performative—a glossy surface over truths we’re unwilling to face.

And maybe that’s why this time of year feels so unnerving to me. 

I don’t lack gratitude; I reject what I call “fluffy gratitude.” I love the very definition of gratitude: “a strong appreciation for. I am deeply grateful for the air I breathe, the mind I’ve been given, and the perspectives I can see. 

And, for me, gratitude isn’t passive. It’s active. It’s tied to effort, to the sweat and intention of building a life I am proud of. A life that feels good and does good. It’s a gratitude grounded in substance and significance – or what I call “significant gratitude” – and significant gratitude is the exact opposite of the fluffy gratitude that keeps us stuck in an unsatisfactory status quo instead of reaching for all that’s possible.

Significant gratitude—the kind that leads to growth, connection, and impact—isn’t a seasonal ritual; it’s a daily practice of acknowledgment and action. 

It’s not enough to say, “I’m grateful for my health.” Significant gratitude asks: What are you doing to take care of all of you? 

It’s not enough to say, “I’m grateful for my family.” Significant gratitude asks: How are you showing up for them, especially when it’s hard? 

It’s not enough to say, “I’m grateful for my work.” Significant gratitude asks: Are you willing to address the challenges that hold your work back?

The relationships I have with my family and friends didn’t just happen. I sought the gaps, created the spaces, and brought in the experts to have the big, sometimes raw conversations. I invested in making repairs and new agreements a priority.

The work I do wasn’t handed to me. I trained like a warrior—always learning, practicing, and refining my craft.

The clarity I have about who I am and why I’m here wasn’t luck. It came from stripping away outdated beliefs, confronting self-sabotage, and refusing to settle for a life that felt flat and uninspired.

For me, gratitude isn’t a list of blessings that fell into my lap. It’s a recognition of what I’ve built and what I continue to fight for. 

So when I look around the table, I don’t just feel grateful for my family or my work—I feel grateful for the choices I’ve made to cultivate a life of significance.

This is the missing piece. Gratitude isn’t about gathering once a year to say “thank you” and then returning to old habits. It’s about aligning your actions with what truly matters, every day.

Yes, I am profoundly grateful—but not just for what I have. I’m grateful for the person I’ve become. This is gratitude worth practicing. Gratitude that feels real, earned, and significant.

Final note – This is the work I do with my ambitious, big-thinking, deep-feeling clients. Through high-proximity 1:1 coaching and thought partnership, I help them stop feeling discontent despite their extraordinary success and disconnected from the people who matter most. Together, we design lives that feel unburdened, joyful, and purposeful—lives of significance.

 

This reflection comes from The Significance Project. If it resonates, you can receive essays like this straight to your inbox by subscribing here.

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen Karofsky helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

by | , ,

Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

read more

For When you Feel Unfulfilled even Though You Seem to Be At The Peak of Success

For When you Feel Unfulfilled even Though You Seem to Be At The Peak of Success

by | Nov 14, 2024 | Identity Shifts, Innovation, Inspiration, Practice Leadership

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community.

You can sign up here.

Title Banner - The Significance Dilemma

When Success Feels Hollow: A Common Challenge for Leaders

If you’re feeling bored, uninspired, or disconnected, you’re not alone. Despite their accomplishments, many high-level, highly knowledgeable leaders grapple with overwhelm, exhaustion, and an undercurrent of dissatisfaction – the very opposite of the life of significance they’re craving. If this is you, you might notice you’re avoiding new ideas, resisting collaboration, or feeling disconnected from the work and people that once sparked joy.

It’s going to sound paradoxical or maybe even counterintuitive, because everything in our culture of success trains us to reach for certainty so we can make smart and impactful decisions, but your certainty about what you know is actually the reason you’re not satisfied with anything right now.

Here’s what happens when you’re rock-solid certain about something (or, worse, when you’re certain about almost everything): you stop listening. You stop engaging. You stop taking in new information and you stop picking up the signals.

And without new information, epiphany, the thrill of learning, and just plain novelty, life gets very gray, very fast.

That’s why when my highly-accomplished leaders tell me they’re bored, restless and not feeling fulfilled in their lives, I know certainty is in the room.

The need for certainty can become a mental cage, one that limits engagement, kills collaboration, and squashes curiosity. When we’re locked in certainty, people around us may feel they can’t reach us or that we’re unreceptive (because we are!), which can ultimately lead to a breakdown in relationships—the one thing we truly desire to keep strong and fully feel our lives.

No connection, no spark. At work or at home.

Here are a few examples of how certainty might be showing up and holding you back:

The Leader Who Won’t Delegate

You’re overwhelmed with every detail, utterly certain about how it should be done and convinced that no one else can do it right. This mindset keeps you overworking (may as well do it yourself…); your team underperforming; and all you locked in a vicious spin cycle that prevents both your own and your team’s growth.

The Visionary Who Theoretically Values Collaboration but Avoids It Like the Plague

In your head, you’re dreaming of the dream team and the creative exhilaration that comes from collaborating with people at the top of their games. But in reality, you default to working solo so that you get to do everything your way (because again, you’re certain about how it needs to be done); don’t have to moderate your plans or process to accommodate anyone else’s perspective; and honestly, you need to feel like you’re the certain center of everything at work (feeling feeling sidelined or irrelevant is your personal kryptonite). As a result, you never get to that impactful place where everyone’s working in synergy and magic happens. Instead of experiencing the exhilaration of collaborative creation, you end up resenting everyone around you and fail to cultivate the empowered, collaborative team of your professional dreams.

The Partner Craving Connection but Stuck in Habit

You want to connect more deeply with loved ones, so you invite them to do things you’re certain will create that feeling…even if they would rather do anything but that activity. An example: you love hiking and feel deeply connected to nature, so you’re certain that if your partner went hiking with you, the two of you would have a transformative experience that would bring you closer together. You suggest it to them, but they hate hiking and resist, but you’re so certain it’s the thing that will make a difference in your relationship that you relentlessly persist. And now you’re in a fight and feeling further apart than ever. Your certainty is actually blocking the opportunities to connect and intimacy you crave.

Your  Indicator Light – How Certainty Feels

Lots of colds, maybe even a few injuries (how’s that knee doing?). A bit more bossy or a bit more distant with your team. A little shorter with your kids. Avoiding meetings. Taking way too many meetings. Taking offense. Ruminating when you should be sleeping. Putting your head down and just doing the job. Being so preoccupied with everything else that your job feels impossible or insignificant. Demanding the impossible from your spouse, right now.

When certainty takes over, it doesn’t just affect your actions; it seeps into your emotions, thoughts, body and behaviors. So when you’re seeing these patterns, they’re warning lights that you’re locked in certainty and locking yourself out of the personal and professional vibrancy you’re craving.

Curiosity-The Antidote to Certainty

To break free from certainty, you must cultivate the skill of curiosity—your willingness to see things differently, to embrace possibilities, and to listen to perspectives you might not expect. Curiosity invites you to step out of the confines of “knowing” and into the boundless world of “exploring.”

Leaning into curiosity requires that you learn how to pattern-interrupt, and this is where a bit of inspiration from Mr. Rogers can help.

The Mr. Rogers Exercise

If you remember Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, you’ll recall that Mr. Rogers would start each episode by coming into our homes, changing his shoes, and putting on his cardigan, signaling a shift from the everyday world to the Land of Make-Believe. Here, he’d interact with a world of curiosity, imagination, and possibility.

As a leader, you can create your own rituals to signal a similar shift, stepping out of certainty and into a mindset of openness and discovery:

  1. Change Your Environment: Whether it’s putting on a different sweater, going to a new space, or simply adjusting your workspace, choose a physical act that symbolizes stepping into a fresh mental space.
  2. Embrace the Land of Make-Believe: Imagine you’re entering a world where anything is possible. Visualize challenges as opportunities, and let go of the need to control the outcome. Ask yourself, What might be possible here if I approach it with curiosity?
  3. Invite Others Into This Space: Once you’re in this open mindset, reach out to someone who sees things differently. Start a conversation that’s focused on exploring new ideas, asking big questions, and creating fresh possibilities.
  4. Ask Questions and Co-Design: Having all the answers is the death of curiosity, so you have to be willing to not have all the answers, all the time, and that means asking questions. In our earlier example, you heard about the hiker who wants to connect with their partner, who wants NOT to hike but probably also wants to connect. If our hiker had voiced that desire and leaned into curiosity, they would have asked their partner how they could make more connection and intimacy happen, and they probably would have been snuggling on the sofa or drinking wine by the beach right now. When you ask questions, you start co-designed experiences and that is what lands you in the joy that makes life a delight.

Using these specific practices to lean into curiosity helps you escape the death-grip of certainty that dulls your life and makes you restless. Curiosity rather than certainty is what reawakens the innovative, collaborative spirit that fosters meaning, drives true impact, and fuels your life of significance.

Curious on diving deeper? Join The Significance Project!

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen Karofsky helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

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Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

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The Art of Suffering: How Successful People Master Pain Until They Transcend It

The Art of Suffering: How Successful People Master Pain Until They Transcend It

by | Aug 22, 2024 | Identity Shifts, Inspiration, Practice Leadership

This post is an excerpt from The Significance Project. If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to be part of the community.

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Title Banner - The Significance Dilemma

Success and leadership often seem glamorous, marked by impressive accomplishments and accolades. But behind the scenes, the people we admire often endure significant challenges and hardships. Many of us have been led to believe that suffering is a key ingredient of success—an idea perpetuated by countless business books and motivational stories. However, the truth is that suffering isn’t a prerequisite for achieving greatness. In fact, it might even undermine your potential.

 

The Fallacy of Suffering Equals Success

It’s a familiar narrative: success requires suffering. We see it in the stories of high achievers who push beyond their limits, often to the point of exhaustion. This valorization of suffering leads us to believe that enduring hardship is not only necessary but a sign of dedication. Our success-driven society often celebrates these suffering success stories, treating them like a recipe for achievement.

But here’s the reality check: the idea that suffering equals success is a myth. While it’s true that achieving something meaningful can be challenging, difficulty doesn’t have to translate into suffering. Suffering involves enduring something we don’t choose, whereas resilience and determination are about choosing to face challenges without unnecessary pain.

 

The Stallion Story: A Lesson in Non-Suffering

To illustrate this concept, consider the Taoist parable of the farmer and his stallion. One day, the farmer’s stallion runs away, prompting his neighbors to express their sympathy, saying, “What bad luck!” The farmer responds with, “Maybe so, maybe not.”

Later, the stallion returns with a herd of wild horses, and the neighbors congratulate the farmer on his good fortune. Again, the farmer replies, “Maybe so, maybe not.” The farmer’s son is injured while taming one of the wild horses, leading to more sympathy from the neighbors. The farmer’s response remains unchanged.

Eventually, the son’s injury turns out to be a blessing in disguise when the army drafts all able-bodied young men, but not him due to his injury.

This story underscores the idea that we can’t always predict the outcome of events. Suffering isn’t necessarily a prerequisite for success, and embracing this perspective can free us from the belief that enduring hardship is a necessary part of the journey.

 

Everyday Examples of Suffering and Success

Let’s explore some common ways that the belief in suffering manifests in our daily lives:

Overworking: You might find yourself working late into the night, thinking that more effort equates to better performance. But when you’re tired, your cognitive abilities are impaired, leading to decreased productivity.

Under-relating: At home, you may be disconnected from loved ones, focusing more on work than on meaningful relationships. This disconnection can erode the authentic connections you seek and damage your personal life.

Bossing: In the workplace, you may micromanage your team because you don’t fully trust them. This can lead to chaos rather than success, as it undermines collaboration and efficiency.

Buffering: You might cope with stress through unhealthy habits, like binge-watching TV or excessive dieting, which can undermine your overall well-being and productivity.

Beating Yourself Up: Many leaders struggle with self-criticism and imposter syndrome. Constantly doubting yourself and striving for perfection can drain your energy and hinder your creativity.

 

The Cost of Embracing Suffering

Believing that suffering is essential for success can have detrimental effects. It often leads to self-sabotaging behaviors that prevent you from achieving your goals and living a balanced life. By equating suffering with success, you may end up overworking, micromanaging, and engaging in negative self-talk, which undermines your potential.

Un-Mastering Suffering

To move towards a Life of Significance, it’s crucial to un-master suffering. Instead of enduring unnecessary pain, view suffering as a clue indicating outdated habits or beliefs. This perspective shift allows you to focus on shape-shifting and transformation, rather than resigning yourself to suffering as a precondition for success.

 

Let’s Start with One Practical Step: Noticing the Suffering

To begin un-mastering suffering you must identify when you are suffering. Here are four ways to begin (yes…I know …I said one step…this is one step…four ways…one step…I know you can get this!)

Pause and Reflect

Take a moment each day to reflect on your experiences and feelings. Ask yourself where you might be experiencing unnecessary discomfort or distress. Are there areas in your work or personal life where you feel a persistent sense of struggle?

Tune Into Your Body

Pay attention to physical sensations. Suffering often manifests in the body—tight shoulders, clenched jaws, or a heavy chest. Notice where you’re holding tension or discomfort. This physical awareness can provide valuable insights into your emotional state.

Define the Suffering

Once you identify where and how suffering is affecting you, try to define it. What specific aspects are causing you pain or distress? Is it related to overworking, under-relating, or negative self-talk? Understanding the nature of your suffering is the first step toward addressing it.

Acknowledge Your Feelings 

Allow yourself to fully experience and acknowledge these sensations without judgment. By recognizing and feeling the suffering, you create space for change and transformation.

 

What This All Means

The idea that success requires suffering is a myth. Embracing this truth can liberate you from the notion that enduring hardship is essential for achievement. By un-mastering the art of suffering, you open yourself up to a life of greater impact, fulfillment, and joy.

If you’re ready to explore this work further and transform your relationship with suffering, consider my 1:1 coaching or council work in The Society. Together, we’ll uncover deeper insights and strategies to help you un-master suffering and achieve a life of greater impact and fulfillment.

Contact me today to learn more about how we can work together to create meaningful change in your life.

Join our community of changemakers and start your journey towards a Life of Significance today.

Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers

 Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen Karofsky helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.

Join The Significance Project to redefine success and step into your power.

Join

The Significance Project

My monthly(ish) newsletter for the tools, tips and provocations you need to live your life of significance.

More on the BLG:

I AM HERE FOR THE GRAPPLERS

by | , ,

Explore the unique challenges and triumphs of ambitious leaders who embrace both personal and professional growth. Learn how “The Significance Project” helps leaders transform all aspects of their lives, not just their careers. Dive into our insights on holistic growth and discover how you can become a grappler, a warrior in your own life journey.

read more