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We’ve been trained to choose fast. Left or right. Scale or slow down. Build or breathe.
The tyranny of either/or follows us everywhere. Through career pivots, relationship crossroads, and those 2 a.m. moments when we wonder if the life we’re living is still the one we meant to live.
But what if the most meaningful breakthroughs don’t come from choosing sides at all?
The paradox that transforms
The psychologist Carl Jung called this tension the transcendent function.
He believed real growth doesn’t come from resolving conflict but from holding it long enough for a new possibility to appear.
When you can stay with the discomfort of two truths that seem to fight each other, something unexpected starts to form. Not a middle ground. A new ground.
It’s not indecision. It’s not paralysis.
It’s the courage to stand in the heat of contradiction long enough for something honest to be born.
When you stop rushing to eliminate one side, you make space for what can’t exist inside a binary. The tension itself becomes the transformation.
The collapse into certainty
Our minds crave closure.
When faced with opposite desires, like the safety of a steady path versus the aliveness of risk, we feel the itch to decide.
That collapse into certainty can cost us everything.
Every time we pick a side just to quiet the noise, we train ourselves to distrust complexity. And complexity is where real strategy lives. Where innovation happens. Where you become the kind of leader who sees what others miss.
We take the practical path and bury the longing. Or we chase the dream and ignore the signals of significance. The ones that tell us when something’s off, even if the numbers look right.. Either way, we flatten out a part of ourselves.
A life of significance asks for something harder. The willingness to live beyond either/or.
The practice of holding tension
This isn’t waiting around for clarity. It’s a practice, a way of staying present when your instinct is to tidy things up.
Stay curious
Don’t rush to solve the tension. Get interested in it. What’s each side trying to protect? What’s each one afraid of losing? Curiosity keeps the process alive long enough for change to happen.
Question everything
Ask yourself: Is this really a binary? What assumptions am I making? The moment you question the premise, the walls start to move.
Innovate through discomfort
You don’t have to invent something new “out there.” Shift how you relate to what’s already clashing inside you. Can you hold “I need stability” and “I crave freedom” as equally true? That inner innovation is where real breakthroughs start.
Reflect without collapsing
Write about both truths. Walk while holding them in your mind. Talk to someone who won’t rush you to pick a lane. Reflection stretches the process instead of cutting it short.
Act from the overlap
Holding tension isn’t all patience. It’s also movement. Act when something genuinely new starts to show up. You’ll know it because it doesn’t feel like picking sides. It feels like becoming more yourself.
Maybe you take a meeting that doesn’t fit either plan. Or you build something that serves both the impact you want and the pace you need. Or you say no to something “strategic” because it violates what you now know is true.
Stay kind to yourself
Maybe the hardest part. Loving yourself enough to stay in the not knowing. To believe you can hold both truths without breaking. Without that kindness, we trade our complexity for the comfort of certainty.
What transformation actually looks like
When you learn to hold opposites, life gets bigger.
You realize you can be ambitious and grounded. Analytical and intuitive. Building and well.The old binaries dissolve, revealing possibilities you couldn’t see while you were busy trying to pick.
The leader who burns it all down to “find meaning” might be moving too fast. The one who stays miserable because it’s “responsible” is doing the same. But the leader who can hold both the drive for impact and the hunger for depth without flinching discovers something else entirely.
A new way to lead. A new definition of “success”. Maybe even a new self.
Holding tension doesn’t promise comfort. It promises growth.
An invitation
Next time you hit an impossible choice, don’t decide. Not yet.
Sit with both options like two people you love, each speaking a truth that matters. Feel what happens in your body. Notice your mind’s panic to make it neat.
Then wait.
Not passively. Attentively. Question. Reflect. Experiment. Take small actions that honor both truths. Hold yourself gently when it gets uncomfortable.
Because in that space between, something new is already forming.
Maybe transformation isn’t about resolution at all. Maybe it’s about learning to hold what’s real until what’s next reveals itself.
Jung saw this ability to hold paradox as the heart of individuation—the process of becoming fully yourself.
In our time, it may also be the heart of meaningful leadership.
The world doesn’t need more people picking sides. It needs people willing to live beyond either/or.
Love + The In-Between,
Jen
Jen Karofsky | Thought Partner & Coach for Visionary Leaders & Significance Seekers
Jen Karofsky collaborates with leaders who are ready to disrupt the status quo and craft a life of legacy, deep connection, and purposeful impact. Through intentional coaching and bold thought partnership, Jen helps you align your work, your values, and your vision to create transformational change in your world.
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